February 8, 2009

So what exactly is it that I have done now? Have I not spent the past eighteen years of my life trying to be a good person? A successful person? I'm not a bum. I work hard to get what I want. I try to rely as little as possible on other people because I like to earn what I get. So what is it about me that's not good enough for my parents?
Over the past few months I've tried my hardest to ween myself off of any reliance on my parents. Of course there's the normal necessities, but anything that I want just because I want it or because I want to enjoy my life once in a while, I will try my best to get it myself.
So when I ask my father to borrow his credit card so I can order a protector for my cell phone (which I was going to pay him back for), he slams the card at me, sighs, turns his back on me and walks out. I hand him his card back with a $20 and he says "I don't want your money" and leaves the room. First of all, I had asked him to order this for me a month ago, and he never did. Second, it was on sale for 50%. So this set me off on a rampage. He's been pissed at me this whole weekend. For what? I can't figure out. And he's the kind of person who will just be mad at you, show you that he's mad at you, but never tell you why he's mad at you even if you ask. So I'm left here wondering what it is that I did wrong this time. Is it that after a week of studying and doing homework until 3AM daily, I go out an enjoy myself for a day? Is it that I enjoy life more than he can because he's such a tight collared jerk? He needs to fucking loosen up. Dad, ever wonder why you have no friends? Maybe it's because anytime anyone tries to have the remotest bit of fun, you go off and somehow kill everything. I can't take it anymore.
I'm not a high maintenance lazy bum like my brother is. I'm not the one who's always a jerk to my mother. I've respected my parents. I've felt gratitude towards them. I may not always show it explicitly, but that's the reason why I don't want to rely on them anymore. I'm a grown person, I can handle myself and not have to spend their money or waste their time. Yet I'm the one who somehow always gets targeted by some sort of anger. WHY?
One day, they will realize that they pissed off the wrong son. The one who has some sort of work ethic and potential to become anything in the future.

*I really did not want to bash my brother, but it just pisses me off that he's somehow always preferred. And I don't understand that.

January 25, 2009

I'm really tired of being nagged at by my parents. They overreact at every little thing and it's just so annoying. I just really need to go to college, get out of this place. I want to do what I want to do, without the strings attached, without having to think about what my parents are going to nag about next. I am really dying for Italy and then college. Where I can let myself be who I really am. I don't even know what I'm saying. I just want to be able to do what I want to do without being judged by them. I don't even mind other people's judgements as much. It's just my parents. They're always there trying to restrict me. AUGHHHHHHHHHH.
Okay, I'm done.