Thursday, May 19, 2011

Another Year Gone By...

Two years ago, we were still staring down those cramped hallways of PHHS trying to figure out where the hell life is taking us. It's pretty crazy how quickly time has passed as I can now say that I am halfway through my college experience, the proclaimed "best time of your life." These last two years have, to put it in a very clich├ęd manner, passed by in the blink of an eye. Yet, it amazes me every time I think about my growth as an individual. Change happens, but I think the change in my outlook on life and how I go about achieving my goals is well beyond what I could have expected.

I always say that going into college, I was certain that I wanted to be a finance major and working financial services. To be perfectly honest, however, I did not know nearly enough about anything going on in the world coming out of high school to be so certain. I think it was always just about putting myself in a position where I have to work hard to achieve a potential high reward. That and the fact that working with money meant working with numbers. I was so naive to think that understanding these two things meant I would put myself on a path to success and happiness. False. The path to success, for me at least, is to maintain curious and apply what I learn to understand how everything in the world fits in together. Being curious pushes me to look beyond the surface and learn the theory behind why or how something happens. I think that is going to be key to whether I succeed or fail. If I were in the position to offer anyone advice right now, I believe that I would say to read the newspaper every day to see what is going on around the world and find a specific sector that you find particularly interesting. Then analyze how other events throughout the world impact what you're interested in and tie everything together.

Beyond having this better understanding of what I am pursuing, I have found that my relationship with myself and with other people have changed significantly. While it is something I need to continue to work on, I undoubtedly feel more confident about myself. I think this again stems from better understanding the things that are happening around the world, but simply practicing to more assertive and carrying myself in a confident manner has carried me a long way. At the end of the day, having that confidence to feel like you know what you're talking about and that you will not screw up the task at hand is so important. This is something I did not have at all just barely two years ago. One thing in particular I really do need to work on still is to be able to formulate strong opinions about things. It takes me a little while to put together the facts and present an opinion. That's going to have to change as I start working and need to make an input.

And then there's the whole deal of my relationship with other people. College has brought out the independent, self-sustaining part of me. I was never one to rely on other people, but I was always very hesitant to do things without other people's approval. I've grown into the mentality of if I have the ability to do this myself, who gives a shit what other people think. There are many things that are nice to do in groups, but my new mantra is that the ability to work in teams will get you nowhere if you cannot work with yourself.

As I grew into myself and understood better who I am, my relationship with BC got better as well. For the better part of the last two years, I found myself picking apart every flaw of that institution and the people. At some point this year, something clicked and I made peace with it. I found a routine for myself if and when I didn't want to be bothered. For one thing, I have concluded that taking classes with friends is a bad idea. It becomes a burden and a distraction. Most importantly, I figured out a way to live with a large group of people. It's not preferable, but I can deal with it. And being able to deal with it, in addition to them realizing that I just like to do my own thing, made my relationship with my suitemates significantly better as the year came to a close. After a tumultuous relationship with Vincenzo during the first semester this year, I think we ended up even closer by the end of the year. It's funny how relationships progress, and I'm glad that mine with BC and the people there is better now.

It's funny how throughout everything I just wrote, I have been trying to talk a little bit about personal life (i.e. life outside of school and work) and it just hasn't worked. I guess that's the mode that I'm stuck in at this point. I think that this is a time to be working hard and setting myself up for a successful future, and that that success will naturally lead to a happy personal life. Anyway, I decided that there is no point for me to be dealing with people beyond what is necessary. It's really about keeping myself productive and not having distractions get in my way. I simply have one less thing to worry about compared to those who are so involved in others' businesses. I really don't care about who is hooking up with who and all the drama that is going on between certain people. It just isn't productive information and does not benefit me in anyway, so I just stay away from it. On a similar note, throughout high school and entering college, I felt so certain that if I had a girl friend, it would make life just so much better, happier. Over the past year or so, a lot of people around me have been pairing up and it's made me realized how much of a burden it seems to be. Why would I want to waste my time feeling obligated to someone else when that time could just as easily be spent on myself? I don't want to have to deal with pleasing someone or fitting myself around someone else's. It's just not what I need at this point. So please, please, please stop telling me to find a girlfriend. It's getting incredibly annoying and people need to understand my perspective. Thank you.

Bringing my sophomore year of college to a close, I came to realize that my life is pretty damn good. I have this tendency to drag myself down so that I can pull myself back up. Life does not come easily for me but when it's all said and done, I always find myself in a good place. After cleaning out my room for the past few days and suffering through bouts of nostalgia, I recalled all the times when I thought my life was going to shit. Yet, here I am doing pretty well for myself. I have a great internship for the summer doing exactly what I want to be doing on Wall St. I will be spending my fall semester in Hong Kong. I have money. I am in the best shape of my life. I have people around me who I want to have around. Things are going pretty well.

So, life, hit me with all you can. I will take you on. And I will win.

1 comment:

  1. Wouldn't call it optimism, but it's a strong recognition of growth and it's awesome!

    I bet the personal life will fit into your "mode" or you'll transition into it maybe as your perspective of the world grows.

    cool stuff dude.