Sunday, January 31, 2010

January 31, 2010

Spent last night at Tufts with Christina. It was a good time. I decided that the people at Tufts just seems more down-to-earth than the people at BC. I haven’t met many people at BC that I thoroughly do not like, but the people at Tufts just seem easier to connect with and more accepting. Sure, the people at that school isn’t as pretty or whatever as those at my school, but the people just seem more genuine. And that’s all that should matter.




Meanwhile, for three straight nights, I’ve had dreams about some random dream girl. Maybe that’s telling me something…

Saturday, January 30, 2010

January 30, 2010

I’m enjoying this semester so much more than the last.

But it still feels like something is missing…

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

January 26, 2010

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

-Five For Fighting, 100 Years

Damn, I’m old. 19 years is a long time. Let’s see where this 20th year takes me…

Saturday, January 23, 2010

January 22, 2010

Death. It is the inevitable conclusion to one cycle in the circle of life. It is something that we must learn to accept and as we grow older, the idea becomes more and more relevant.

Life is full of potential. Each of us are put into this world to try to satisfy that potential, whatever it may be. It is up to us to make a conscious effort each day to do so, and in turn, we hopefully pass what we learn and accomplish onto our future generations for them to be even greater. Some people will live to say that they have done for themselves, their loved ones, their community, and their future generations. Some choose not to fulfill their potential. Others are simply not given the chance.

On the afternoon of January 12, 2010, a 7.0 magnitude earthquake shook the island of Haiti. Tens of thousands, possibly even more, perished in this tragedy. These people were never given any chance to accomplish all that they can. To make matters worse, the level of poverty in Haiti is preventing those who survive from getting back on their feet and making a full recovery any time soon. It’s truly sad how many lives were ruined, how much potential was lost in this one natural disaster.

There comes a time
When we head a certain call
When the world must come together as one
There are people dying
And it's time to lend a hand to life
The greatest gift of all
We can't go on
Pretending day by day
That someone, somewhere will soon make a change
We are all a part of
God's great big family
And the truth, you know love is all we need

-Michael Jackson, We Are the World

Similar to these people, a good acquaintance of mine, Bhavin Desai, recently  passed away. While I have not kept in contact with him since he graduated from high school, it was painful and saddening to hear about this. He was such a brilliant and happy kid. I met him in FBLA and I was amazed by how quickly he could learn random facts. He was always so nice to everyone and was always willing to lend a hand. He always made sure I didn’t feel out of place in FBLA before any of my friends joined the club. Anyway, it’s just so sad that a kid who could have potentially done something great had to lose his life so early before he had a chance to prove himself. I guess I could say that it’s almost not fair. But such is the circle of life.

The thing that prompted me to write this blog post actually happened last Monday. My dad was dropping me off at school and while saying good-bye, he started crying. Basically, my grandma has Alzheimer's and Parkinson Disease. She was hospitalized in September or October because of a high fever due to an infection. Since then, she’s been bed-ridden and can no longer talk. Since being discharged from the hospital, she’s been in a nursing home. My dad would go visit her practically every single day. When I was home over break, I realized how tolling this was on my dad. He leave home for work at around 5:30 in the morning and he wouldn’t get home until around 8 at night because he would go visit her after work. Anyway, over the past few weeks, my grandma’s condition has been worsening and they had to put her back into the hospital. She’s been losing blood for no explainable reason and her blood sugar is uncontrollable. Basically, she’s not doing too well at all. As my dad was dropping me off, he told me that if grandma passes away while I’m at school, I’ll have to go home. I nodded in agreement and then my dad started crying. I gave him a hug and he got in the car. That was the second time I had ever seen my dad cry. The first was when my grandma called one night from Taiwan telling my dad that my grandpa had passed away. I was really young the first, but this time, I noticed how devastated my dad seemed and it transposed onto me as well.

For the first few days after this, I couldn’t help but thinking about it. I went to see my grandma once over break and I realized how much I would regret not going to see her again if something were to happen to her while I’m at school.

Even though she’s dying of old age, it’s still really hard to accept. The few days after this all happened, I just kept flashing back to memories of when I was little and my grandparents would come visit from Taiwan. I’m sure my grandma has had a fulfilling life and has done her share to make a difference.


Basically this whole post sums down to one thing. Time doesn’t wait. It’s important to take advantage of every minute of the day. Who knows what might happen in the next minute. Because we can’t tell the future, we must do everything possible in the moment to accomplish as much as we can.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

January 19, 2010

A week ago, I watched the Bollywood movie 3 Idiots. It was one of the greatest movies I have ever seen in my life. It invoked so many different emotions from me. It had a unique story and one of the best, most sincere motifs in any movies I have seen recently.

It was about forgoing customary expectations (those of society, parents, etc.) in favor of listening to the heart. People are able to find happiness and success through doing something they enjoy. Honestly, I don’t remember a lot of it at this point. I’ll definitely be watching it again when it comes out on YouTube. I found that the story was very relatable, especially as a college student raised by an Asian family. Next time I watch it, I’ll be sure to write a real thoughtful piece about it. This movie helped me learn a lot about myself and I think I should write about it. It’ll just be a lot easier when I remember the plot better and have quotes to back what I want to say.

Basically, go watch this movie if you haven’t already. It’s amazing and I’m sure you’ll take a lot out of it.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

January 17, 2010

It’s hard to believe that a month has gone by and I’ll be heading back to school bright and early tomorrow morning. This month has been a lot about relaxation, rediscovery of self and social bonds, as well as reflection.


[disclaimer: there is a ton of rambling in this post…it was really for me to just throw down some thoughts and organize them into words]


Pretty much the first week of break was all about relaxation. I came back from a week of torturous finals and preparing for these finals and some time to really unwind was really in order. I literally tried to spend the whole week really using my brain as little as possible. I watched a few movies that were not too intensive and require too much analysis. It was a much needed week.

As that relaxation phase began to die down, I started to feel a need to start thinking about myself and my experiences, as well as beginning to catch up with my high school friends. First of all, I put a lot of thought on my life goals and how I expect to achieve them. I first looked at my academic and career goals. I had just received my first college semester grades and GPA and, while I did well, wanted to figure out what I should focus on a prioritize so that I can do even better in the future. I know that my first goal is to try to transfer into Carnegie Mellon. CMU has a very high bar set in allowing transfer students in and I need to do a lot of to get myself up to that bar. I know that I need to study much harder, especially with the  courses that I’m taking this next semester. Most importantly, however, is for me to learn the material progressively throughout the course rather than right before an exam. Outside of academics, I want to dedicate myself to some sort of community service and participate in my activities. In high school, Key Club and volunteering at the hospital were important parts of my life. They gave me a place to meet people of similar interests while doing good for society. They gave me a purpose. This was something I sincerely missed throughout the first semester of college. Hopefully I can regain that part of my life. So, I have emailed a few volunteer organizations that I find interesting. Perhaps one of them will consider me. Another goal I have set for myself is to provide myself with as many opportunities as possible to attend seminars and internships with the business field. This will give me a nice basis in my future career field and a head start in trying to build a network. My social rediscovery involved a lot of contemplation about past relationships and continuing to build experiences with my greatest friends. I thought a lot about my relationship with Catalina and I discovered the weaknesses cause by infatuation. It’s really tough to see the bad in someone you love. I thought about the basis of this relationship and how each of our personality flaws – her inability to passionately want anything and my close-mindedness about certain things - essentially doomed this relationship. Olivia asked me whether or not I would still date her today if I had the chance to. Honestly, I don’t know. I feel that the version of her I saw was not the complete person. Add that to the blindness of infatuation and all I had the opportunity to see was the things I wanted, which is why she seemed so perfect at the time. I am hoping that these discoveries will make me better in future relationships. I also put a lot of thought into family. I tried to piece together the importance of family and familial support, which I always took for granted until I went to college. It’s nice to know that there are people always there for you. Going on that overnight ski trip and having a lot of time to bond made me realize how awesome, fun, and supportive they are. Lastly, I allowed myself to rediscover the importance of pursuing things I am interested in. It’s kind of related to my desire to do community service, but more on hobbies. Not being on the tennis club team was horrible, but I still have the ability to enjoy it because I love tennis. I didn’t allow this to happen in the first semester. Things I enjoy always seemed to be overshadowed by the things I must do.

The final part of my break was my opportunity to reflect on all the things that happen in my life: both the good and the bad. My rediscovery period was more of my thoughts on overall things in my life, whereas the reflections focused on more specific events. I had posted some of these reflections as a part of my 2000s decade reflection post.


Anyway, that was a ton of rambling. I wrote a lot of this late at night, so there is a possibility that it doesn’t all make sense…sorry about that.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

January 9, 2010

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing.

-Two is Better Than One, Boys Like Girls ft. Taylor Swift

I love that song so much.


Anyway, where do I start?

Ski Trip.2010-01-06 Epic Ski Trip 021

Snowboarding was an interesting experience. I learned quickly: about five trips down the bunny slope and I convinced myself I was ready for greens. I managed to make my way down the green trails without doing too much damage but it was absolutely exhausting. Snowboarding is just such a difficult concept to understand. It doesn’t make sense to me. The whole balance thing wasn’t terribly hard, but it was just so damn hard to move on freakin’ flat ground. I got really frustrated by the end. It was nice to give it a try, but I think I’m going to stick with skiing in the future because I find it to be much more enjoyable. I wonder if spring break is too late for another ski trip.

I was kind of disappointed that we did not go skiing the second day, but we weren’t sure if we were physically able to do so and it wasn’t worth risking wasting the money.

What differentiated this ski trip from those in the past was spending the night at the hotel. That was fun. I think these two pictures summarize it pretty well…

2010-01-07 Epic Ski Trip 0082010-01-07 Epic Ski Trip 034 


Sometime last week, I realized how pissed off about life I was and decided that maybe if I drank a bit, it’ll help make it a little better. That was an interesting experience and a lot more fun than I thought it’d be. It was this weird feeling with everything seeming to lag behind a little bit. I felt like I saw trailing images of things. I also had urges to do some stupid/strange things, and after I did them, I was wondering in my head what could possible instigate me to do that. For example, I felt a big violent. At one point, I picked up Shiv and flipped him upside down. And then when we were playing pong, I threw a ping pong ball at Vin’s head. That was pretty funny actually. I was also really bouncy and was draping myself over everyone I saw. It was a good time…

Anyway, I’m not going to try to encourage anyone to drink. But I’m not going to be as against it as I used to be. Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t understand why alcohol has to be the basis of social interaction, but I’m a little bit more open to the concept.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

January 6, 2010

don't make someone fall for you if you have no intention of catching them.

-claudia chan

I watched the movie Up in the Air today, which tells of the story of a guy who’s life consists solely of his work. While he initially says he is surrounded by the world due to his constant travels, he eventually realize how isolated from friends and family he truly is. He had no aspiration other than to be the seventh person to achieve ten million frequent flyer miles. Through work, he is paired to work with this young girl who was just out of college. While brilliant (the movie states that she graduated top of her class at Cornell), she was the victim of all the false aspirations that the world and society place upon us. She relinquished the opportunity to work for several top companies in order to be with her boyfriend, who ultimately breaks up with her. The real purpose of this movie was that our aspirations should focus on family, friends, and love, while the tangibles are much less important. It portrays the view that our lives, as pointless as it may be because we will all die in the end, are only worth living when there are loved ones around us. Good story.

However, the secondary moral of this story is that everyone has fantasy dreams. The girl in the movie was telling her dreams of being out of college and married by 23 to the perfect six-foot tall guy and having kids and being able to settle down. The truth is that that dream cannot just come true as it’s pictured. It’s not that easy. It is clear through the two older characters that at some point, there comes a wake up call when we realize it’s just not possible. There are always things from these dreams that we have to give up.

…which brings me back to the quote. I wonder when all these girls that guys fall for will realize that they’re never going to catch some hot guy from Gossip Girls or, as ridiculous as this sounds, the vampire boy from Twilight. It’s so frustrating to sit here and have to wait for that realization.


So I’m getting ready to go on this epic ski trip tomorrow. It’s our second annual trip and we’re making it overnight this year. I think it’s going to be pretty awesome. It’s funny that everything has to have its fair share of drama involved. The bigger the trip, the bigger the drama. Good shit.


With a lot of people, I often feel that I get such mixed feelings about them. When a certain side of the person shows, I enjoy their company and do not find anything wrong with them. When another side of the person shows however, I just simply have no desire to deal with them.


I was having coffee with Viv today (well having coffee as in we sat in Starbucks, without actually buying anything). In the midst of conversation, she described me as jaded. Thinking about it, it’s incredibly true. It seems that every occurrence in life just feels so old and pointless to me. I’m simply exhausted by the every day comings and goings that everything has become pretty meaningless. I think I need to seek the advice of Up in the Air; try to find the human connections and love to make each day more bearable. Stop isolating myself from the world. Give others a chance and maybe I will  find the person or people that makes each day worth it.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

January 2, 2010

What. The. Hell.





Friday, January 1, 2010

January 1, 2010

I’m starting a “2010 in Pictures” project. Basically, I take a picture for every day of the year. Hopefully this turns out well. I wonder if I can create a separate blogger page simply for pictures. Hmmm.