January 17, 2010

It’s hard to believe that a month has gone by and I’ll be heading back to school bright and early tomorrow morning. This month has been a lot about relaxation, rediscovery of self and social bonds, as well as reflection.

 

[disclaimer: there is a ton of rambling in this post…it was really for me to just throw down some thoughts and organize them into words]

 

Pretty much the first week of break was all about relaxation. I came back from a week of torturous finals and preparing for these finals and some time to really unwind was really in order. I literally tried to spend the whole week really using my brain as little as possible. I watched a few movies that were not too intensive and require too much analysis. It was a much needed week.

As that relaxation phase began to die down, I started to feel a need to start thinking about myself and my experiences, as well as beginning to catch up with my high school friends. First of all, I put a lot of thought on my life goals and how I expect to achieve them. I first looked at my academic and career goals. I had just received my first college semester grades and GPA and, while I did well, wanted to figure out what I should focus on a prioritize so that I can do even better in the future. I know that my first goal is to try to transfer into Carnegie Mellon. CMU has a very high bar set in allowing transfer students in and I need to do a lot of to get myself up to that bar. I know that I need to study much harder, especially with the  courses that I’m taking this next semester. Most importantly, however, is for me to learn the material progressively throughout the course rather than right before an exam. Outside of academics, I want to dedicate myself to some sort of community service and participate in my activities. In high school, Key Club and volunteering at the hospital were important parts of my life. They gave me a place to meet people of similar interests while doing good for society. They gave me a purpose. This was something I sincerely missed throughout the first semester of college. Hopefully I can regain that part of my life. So, I have emailed a few volunteer organizations that I find interesting. Perhaps one of them will consider me. Another goal I have set for myself is to provide myself with as many opportunities as possible to attend seminars and internships with the business field. This will give me a nice basis in my future career field and a head start in trying to build a network. My social rediscovery involved a lot of contemplation about past relationships and continuing to build experiences with my greatest friends. I thought a lot about my relationship with Catalina and I discovered the weaknesses cause by infatuation. It’s really tough to see the bad in someone you love. I thought about the basis of this relationship and how each of our personality flaws – her inability to passionately want anything and my close-mindedness about certain things - essentially doomed this relationship. Olivia asked me whether or not I would still date her today if I had the chance to. Honestly, I don’t know. I feel that the version of her I saw was not the complete person. Add that to the blindness of infatuation and all I had the opportunity to see was the things I wanted, which is why she seemed so perfect at the time. I am hoping that these discoveries will make me better in future relationships. I also put a lot of thought into family. I tried to piece together the importance of family and familial support, which I always took for granted until I went to college. It’s nice to know that there are people always there for you. Going on that overnight ski trip and having a lot of time to bond made me realize how awesome, fun, and supportive they are. Lastly, I allowed myself to rediscover the importance of pursuing things I am interested in. It’s kind of related to my desire to do community service, but more on hobbies. Not being on the tennis club team was horrible, but I still have the ability to enjoy it because I love tennis. I didn’t allow this to happen in the first semester. Things I enjoy always seemed to be overshadowed by the things I must do.

The final part of my break was my opportunity to reflect on all the things that happen in my life: both the good and the bad. My rediscovery period was more of my thoughts on overall things in my life, whereas the reflections focused on more specific events. I had posted some of these reflections as a part of my 2000s decade reflection post.

 

Anyway, that was a ton of rambling. I wrote a lot of this late at night, so there is a possibility that it doesn’t all make sense…sorry about that.